When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?
How ironic, I asked my family this question earlier in the week. I’ve thought about this a lot over the years, so I definitely know what that defining moment was for me.
In life, we often encounter moments that change us, molding us into the adults we are meant to become. For me, one of those transformative moments arrived in my early thirties, but it wasn’t marked by celebration; it was defined by profound loss.
Losing my mother was, without a doubt, the most challenging and emotionally turbulent period of my life. I had always leaned into her loving arms and sought her wisdom, whether I was riding the highs of joy or grappling with the lows of navigation life. She was my confidante, my advisor, my pillar of strength.
When she was suddenly and unexpectedly taken from me the world I had known, the reliable source of guidance and comfort, had been torn away. It’s in these moments of profound grief and loss that I was thrust into the deepest end of the pool of adulthood.
Before my mother’s passing, I was accustomed to running ideas by her, seeking her input before making significant decisions. It was comforting to have her experienced perspective to rely on. But suddenly, the world had changed. I was left with a void, not only in my heart but also in my daily life. The simple act of calling her for advice or sharing my excitement and worries was no longer possible.
In the midst of my grief, I had no choice but to navigate life’s challenges on my own. I was faced with decisions that were once shared burdens, now mine to bear alone. There was a sense of vulnerability and uncertainty that I had never experienced before. It was terrifying and heartbreaking.
However, it was in this tumultuous sea of grief and change that I discovered my own strength. In her absence, I found a reserve of resilience and wisdom within myself that I didn’t know existed. My mother left behind an indelible mark, an enduring legacy of her love and guidance, embedded in my heart and soul.
As I make decisions today, I do so with the memory of her love and her words of wisdom. In those moments when I miss her most, I remind myself of the countless lessons she has taught me. It is as if her spirit is guiding me.
I won’t lie; it has been a painful journey, one filled with many stumbles and tears. But slowly, I began to embrace this new chapter of my life. I discovered that, even in her physical absence, my mother’s presence remains a powerful force. With that knowledge I can be my own anchor, advisor, source of strength, and most importantly, I can do it this.
While the pain of her absence will never fully fade, I carry her with me in every step I take and in this way, I am never truly alone.
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